Drudged Up

Is it silly to be sad about leaving your first car? I'm feeling very nostalgic over it. It has been in my life for 14 yrs and represented not only my first car but my freedom and ticket to independent life. I am used to it.

D says it will go to a great new home and will serve the next person really well. That doesn't make me feel much better. It's just that it is so well designed for someone practical like me. I dislike center consoles and it is one of the few that doesn't have one.

I guess I'm one of those people who get attached to things. At various points, I reverted back to wanting to fix it. Then D gets on his mini rampage about how it is time to move on to a safer, newer car. Something that has that better stereo you want. Something that has a bit more pep than 125HP.

That it is OK to spend money on yourself and show your success a little. I will own up to that. No one but a handful of people and a whole lot of bloggers knows that I do all this travelling and own more than one home.

How I dress certainly doesn't give anything away. I do use a few nice purses though but it would be interpreted as fairly normal as a lot of women splurge on a nice purse.

But a snappy car draws attention and I'm not used to that. D thinks I ought to get used to some of that and to feel proud of myself for my hard work over the years.

I come from a culture where it is very normal to show success with material things. I've rebelled against it for most of my life. If I was "normal" according to upbringing, I'd be on my 4th car by now and own a giant executive house with a 3 - 4 car garage in the suburbs of Toronto.

My family considers me "poor" because I have driven the same car for 14 yrs and because I do not shop at Holt Renfrew and Bayview Village. Thus my not so great relationship with them. They would consider the fact that I have been looking to buy a used car as cause for concern. It's just not a successful thing to do. I disagree.

Because I've chosen to live differently from them means I have been cut off from my family all this time. They withdrew from me so that I could learn just how tough life is and learn their approach is right. I bought a small SUV because I needed the room to move myself out of the house while they stood watching.

They have been hoping I would come back to them after being defeated by life and beg to be taken back. It hasn't happened yet and I don't expect it to. I have too much pride and I've worked too hard for that to happen. It's amazing how much stuff gets drudged up because of a car purchase.