D used to work with a couple who are much more materialistic than us. What I mean by that is stuff like: Believing that it is necessary to drive, dress and live such that people cannot possibly think they are anything less than successful. They are also a good decade younger than us and have things to prove.
This is also the couple I mentioned in an earlier blog post who were travelling to Paris, Nice, Cannes and Monaco during the Grand Prix and Film festival. It was an eye opener for them -- in a good way. They came back humbled.
Being the showiest in your small town and neighbourhood is like being the biggest fish in a small pond. Though I would argue if the showy stuff one displays is a result of credit, that isn't true wealth... Wealth where they were was on a totally different scale -- no more small pond and it blew them away.
They described their experience perfectly. The truly wealthy people they saw had faces that looked as if it had been bathed in moisturizer and looked like it never made a stressed expression or seen an ounce of stress or worry in their lives. Those weren't the botox unlined faces prevalent in North America. It isn't something you can fake.
Showing posts with label opinions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label opinions. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Stepping Up
I have never been more grateful for my days off than in the last month. Why is that? I believe it is because I have been fully present in my days. The crappy dealings with getting my computer fixed and dealing with difficult people at work pulled me away from my core of peace I prefer to dwell in everyday. It didn't feel good.
This has re-confirmed why I have trouble being around perpetually cynical and negative people or people who cannot seem to brave up and look outside themselves.
I have invited a good friend over for dinner tonight because I just found out they are going through a difficult time. It has been 2 weeks since we've seen each other and lots have happened and I didn't want to wait until I was back from my trip. That didn't feel right. We are good friends and we step up when each other needs extra support. It's as simple as that.
Ironically the topics for discussion tonight are people who just disappear when they cannot handle stuff -- that's what has happened to my friend -- as well as people who engage in relationships on their own terms ie. conditional relationships -- with neither situation bringing any joy with it.
I have strong opinions about relationships. I believe that relationships are as strong as the weakest link. You can't have one person giving it their all and the other one taking all the time without serious consequences. Long ago, I decided to give as much as I get from the other person and it has served me well. No unmet expectations.
Of course there will be times you'll be required to step up for a while but on average, it is a nice balance. It also keeps things honest and real as it is easy to imagine something that is not there when you are too busy doing everything. Someone once said if we'd look at our personal relationships akin to building a business relationship, we'd avoid a lot of mistakes. Interesting thought.
This has re-confirmed why I have trouble being around perpetually cynical and negative people or people who cannot seem to brave up and look outside themselves.
I have invited a good friend over for dinner tonight because I just found out they are going through a difficult time. It has been 2 weeks since we've seen each other and lots have happened and I didn't want to wait until I was back from my trip. That didn't feel right. We are good friends and we step up when each other needs extra support. It's as simple as that.
Ironically the topics for discussion tonight are people who just disappear when they cannot handle stuff -- that's what has happened to my friend -- as well as people who engage in relationships on their own terms ie. conditional relationships -- with neither situation bringing any joy with it.
I have strong opinions about relationships. I believe that relationships are as strong as the weakest link. You can't have one person giving it their all and the other one taking all the time without serious consequences. Long ago, I decided to give as much as I get from the other person and it has served me well. No unmet expectations.
Of course there will be times you'll be required to step up for a while but on average, it is a nice balance. It also keeps things honest and real as it is easy to imagine something that is not there when you are too busy doing everything. Someone once said if we'd look at our personal relationships akin to building a business relationship, we'd avoid a lot of mistakes. Interesting thought.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
On Graciousness
I find it amusing the number of recent blog posts slamming travel as a worthwhile activity. The topic could easily be substituted with a myriad of other subjects.
What strikes me as strange is the strength of emotion behind the posts. If I didn't know better (or maybe I do), it sounds almost prejudice in quality.
If the topic was approached from the direction of environmental impact, I would understand it more. Calling an activity a waste of time or unnecessary, I feel is inappropriate and unkind.
Not everyone appreciate or enjoys the same hobbies or past times. Not everyone wants children. Not everyone enjoys home ownership. I would not label their choices as wrong just because it is different from mine.
We are fortunate to be living in a country where one can pursue various interests and past times. To knock another person's choice is a petty way of being "right". I would prefer to describe that as a bad case of self righteousness.
What happened to being gracious and open minded to differences? I happen to enjoy reading and hearing about how differently people live their lives. There is much to learn from each other.
Sometimes it confirms the path I am on. Sometimes it changes my path. Both are good.
A wonderful Christmas Eve to Everyone!
What strikes me as strange is the strength of emotion behind the posts. If I didn't know better (or maybe I do), it sounds almost prejudice in quality.
If the topic was approached from the direction of environmental impact, I would understand it more. Calling an activity a waste of time or unnecessary, I feel is inappropriate and unkind.
Not everyone appreciate or enjoys the same hobbies or past times. Not everyone wants children. Not everyone enjoys home ownership. I would not label their choices as wrong just because it is different from mine.
We are fortunate to be living in a country where one can pursue various interests and past times. To knock another person's choice is a petty way of being "right". I would prefer to describe that as a bad case of self righteousness.
What happened to being gracious and open minded to differences? I happen to enjoy reading and hearing about how differently people live their lives. There is much to learn from each other.
Sometimes it confirms the path I am on. Sometimes it changes my path. Both are good.
A wonderful Christmas Eve to Everyone!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
On Pensions
I got "ticked off" at a comment made by someone the other day. It basically was bemoaning their husband's fully funded and indexed pension and how they cannot possible live off of it....
If I had to come up with enough savings to pay me $45000 after taxes a year for the rest of my life, indexed, with no fear of it disappearing, I'd need an excess of 1 million dollars! Not easy to muster up, especially when she never had a career that "brought home the bacon"!
Not only that, she makes her husband go back to work on contract after he had retired in his 60's, stating, that it is only a 4 days a week, when she quits her job, retires at the age of 57 and refused to go back for a day or 2 when asked because she is enjoying retirement so much. Where is the partnership here?
Perhaps I was oversensitive. I know how much discipline it takes to stay in a career that isn't fun all the time, save money and pay off a mortgage very quickly. It isn't easy. I'd be quite happy and grateful to have a pension, to be paid in addition to getting paid...just for showing up! She has never had to live a life where a significant portion of income needed to be saved in order to plan for future.
It is easy to spend most of what you make when you know you don't need to save. And yes, it is nice to be able to chose the best choices when eating and travelling with such a high disposable income but when all of the people you are speaking to, do not have pensions and cannot spend in such a way, some sensitivity is in order. I would bet that should she have to save 50% of their household income towards retirement, their lives would have been dramatically altered.
If I had to come up with enough savings to pay me $45000 after taxes a year for the rest of my life, indexed, with no fear of it disappearing, I'd need an excess of 1 million dollars! Not easy to muster up, especially when she never had a career that "brought home the bacon"!
Not only that, she makes her husband go back to work on contract after he had retired in his 60's, stating, that it is only a 4 days a week, when she quits her job, retires at the age of 57 and refused to go back for a day or 2 when asked because she is enjoying retirement so much. Where is the partnership here?
Perhaps I was oversensitive. I know how much discipline it takes to stay in a career that isn't fun all the time, save money and pay off a mortgage very quickly. It isn't easy. I'd be quite happy and grateful to have a pension, to be paid in addition to getting paid...just for showing up! She has never had to live a life where a significant portion of income needed to be saved in order to plan for future.
It is easy to spend most of what you make when you know you don't need to save. And yes, it is nice to be able to chose the best choices when eating and travelling with such a high disposable income but when all of the people you are speaking to, do not have pensions and cannot spend in such a way, some sensitivity is in order. I would bet that should she have to save 50% of their household income towards retirement, their lives would have been dramatically altered.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
A Simple Life
A buddy of mine commented that he felt I was complicated. Boy, I didn't take that as a compliment.
I interpreted "complicated" as "high maintenance" (diamonds, fancy homes/cars/clothes, plastic surgery...) so I disagreed, stating that I just want a simple life, to which he just laughed out loud.
I guess our definitions of what a simple life is vastly different.
He felt that because I happen to enjoy opera (he knows I used to teach it...and he came along with my class on our yearly opera outing), that made me complicated.
He saw simple living as more "back to the land" without things like skiing, symphonies, multiple homes, museums, gourmet cooking.
Whereas I see it as enjoyment of the best humans and nature have to offer and it doesn't necessary have to be expensive.
My definition of simple living includes art, music, inventive cuisine, the world, sports and lots more. It is a life of awareness and inclusion without excess.
Would you classify that under "complicated"?
I interpreted "complicated" as "high maintenance" (diamonds, fancy homes/cars/clothes, plastic surgery...) so I disagreed, stating that I just want a simple life, to which he just laughed out loud.
I guess our definitions of what a simple life is vastly different.
He felt that because I happen to enjoy opera (he knows I used to teach it...and he came along with my class on our yearly opera outing), that made me complicated.
He saw simple living as more "back to the land" without things like skiing, symphonies, multiple homes, museums, gourmet cooking.
Whereas I see it as enjoyment of the best humans and nature have to offer and it doesn't necessary have to be expensive.
My definition of simple living includes art, music, inventive cuisine, the world, sports and lots more. It is a life of awareness and inclusion without excess.
Would you classify that under "complicated"?
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