Bordeaux, France -- Xmas '19
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Wednesday, June 17, 2020
Monday, June 15, 2020
Negativity
It was probably a combination of too much ice cream, seasonal allergies and long work hours that brought on weariness this past week. I was tired, lost focus and negative feelings surfaced.
Intense anger and disappointment with the level of violence and tragedy going on. Just when you think it cannot get worse.
Disbelief at not being able to travel across my own country this summer. We can but it is strongly discouraged so we won't until it is officially accepted without quarantine restrictions. I knew inside but hadn't been willing to really accept it.
D was surprised it took this long. My last international flight was in January. The effects of all the cancellations and restrictions to movement caught up to me. I've actually been having trouble coming up with future plans that excite me.
Exhaustion from finally seeing months of preparation coming to fruition and subsequent release of the suppressed worries even though the outcome was really good. Kinda like getting sick at the start of a vacation.
Frustration with lack of variety with everyday life. Nothing new for many of us. Not from lack of thanks for our level of comfort and security but more from boredom with current routine. Action was needed.
Part of why we wanted to head out west was to do some hiking. So we started making use of a nearby trail and liked it enough to integrate it into our week.
Feeling defeated by the amount of conditioning I've lost the past couple of years. Watched the Rogue Invitational and became more inspired to change things up to continue getting stronger. It's amazing how much work capacity those athletes have.
Spent an afternoon looking for a parcel of land to buy to use as our private campsite. That "magical" place did not materialize. In fact, the ones we saw were so unsuitable, we put the idea to bed. But coming up with a new idea to potentially move forward with was a win.
A real positive thing I've noticed with this emotional rawness has been increased sensitivity to others' suffering. Increased face mask wearing has heightened my intuition.
As the upheaval in the world continues, I do my best to stay away from media for a couple of days each week to decompress. Continuing to take positive action where I can. With the uncertain timeline of things and my inability to not feel, this downtime has been necessary for my mental and emotional health.
Intense anger and disappointment with the level of violence and tragedy going on. Just when you think it cannot get worse.
Disbelief at not being able to travel across my own country this summer. We can but it is strongly discouraged so we won't until it is officially accepted without quarantine restrictions. I knew inside but hadn't been willing to really accept it.
D was surprised it took this long. My last international flight was in January. The effects of all the cancellations and restrictions to movement caught up to me. I've actually been having trouble coming up with future plans that excite me.
Exhaustion from finally seeing months of preparation coming to fruition and subsequent release of the suppressed worries even though the outcome was really good. Kinda like getting sick at the start of a vacation.
Frustration with lack of variety with everyday life. Nothing new for many of us. Not from lack of thanks for our level of comfort and security but more from boredom with current routine. Action was needed.
Part of why we wanted to head out west was to do some hiking. So we started making use of a nearby trail and liked it enough to integrate it into our week.
Feeling defeated by the amount of conditioning I've lost the past couple of years. Watched the Rogue Invitational and became more inspired to change things up to continue getting stronger. It's amazing how much work capacity those athletes have.
Spent an afternoon looking for a parcel of land to buy to use as our private campsite. That "magical" place did not materialize. In fact, the ones we saw were so unsuitable, we put the idea to bed. But coming up with a new idea to potentially move forward with was a win.
A real positive thing I've noticed with this emotional rawness has been increased sensitivity to others' suffering. Increased face mask wearing has heightened my intuition.
As the upheaval in the world continues, I do my best to stay away from media for a couple of days each week to decompress. Continuing to take positive action where I can. With the uncertain timeline of things and my inability to not feel, this downtime has been necessary for my mental and emotional health.
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