As with my previous post where I wrote about saying no to the move, the paragraph or so of its description made it seem so simple, so obvious. However, it did not reflect all the mental emotional effort that led to the short summary.
When this opportunity came about for D, it was unexpected. It wasn't one he had applied for but rather one he was recommended for when a previous boss found out we were considering a relocation and had a connection to what he felt was a super company out there.
So we were very surprised and had no idea what to expect when D was offered an interview/meet and greet with 2 of the 3 Principals of the company. Which led to a second interview with the 3rd Principal where D was offered a position which involved significant travel. Something he did not have extensive experience with before but felt he was capable of doing. It was 50% travel as they were assuming our move was definitely happening.
When D told them we were not moving, that's when the level of travel increased to 75% to compensate for being out of province.
Because I had already said "no" to the relocation, I found myself in the position where I felt like I was going to be the "bad guy" again. I know that I wasn't really but couldn't help feeling that way. Why was that?
Because my first impression of the offer was not a positive one. I didn't care about the money being offered but D did. It was more than he had ever seen on paper. For me, there isn't an amount where I would be OK with such a significant material change to our marriage. To put it bluntly, it wasn't what I signed up for. It would be a different story had we had grown into this together. This came out of the blue for both of us. And in many aspects, we are far from a newly established couple.
So what to do when your spouse was feeling so pumped about the potential of the position? This was a role he felt he could excel in, a role he had always dreamed of. How could I not be supportive and work on finding a solution?
In order to adequately access what life on the road will look like, I did what I knew. I checked out all the flight schedules, main airlines, airport hubs of locations he would be going to. By doing so, we could figure out just what a travel week would look like. How early he'd have to leave, if he could make it to location the same day and if he could make it home by the end of the week. I even looked at apartment rental options so he wouldn't have to stay in a hotel for the week. A much healthier alternative to restaurant food all the time.
For most if not all locations, it would be a Sunday afternoon - Friday travel week. Which leaves Saturday as a home day before leaving again. I didn't like it. Seemed easier and less stressful if he would just stay on location, finish the work before coming home.
It was very difficult to stand by and allow D adequate space to sort this through. I have a horrible habit of wanting to "fix" things and offer solutions whether asked or not. Obviously, I wanted him to come up with the same conclusions as me without coming across as the overly emotional wife.
But it is my marriage too. I like the amount of time, contact, level of interaction and cooperation we have together. Negotiating the pros and cons was a real test of our communication. On another level, it was hard not to think the thought that maybe he didn't want the same things anymore? That the lure of this position was stronger than what we had? Was this a sign we were growing apart?
It also played on something I worried about a long time ago when things started getting serious between us. I worried that because we met at a time when my life and dreams were more established than his, that my lifestyle may have steamrollered his. I believed him when he said he wanted the same things. This process challenged that and I was afraid it was going to be proven wrong.
I know that as a person, I'm well suited for a husband that travels for work as I'm fairly independent, can keep myself amused and handle stuff around the house. Worse case, should I not want the extra work, I'm not averse to hiring out. As I do travel up to 10 weeks a year solo, I obviously don't mind spending alone time. But was it selfish to not want him away so much? I questioned my motives a lot.
Another issue was D's perception that the position would mean greater autonomy. I have a lot of autonomy in my work. And he would like to experience the same. But it isn't the same. I interpreted the position as a "turn your life over" to the corporation for one goal and one goal only. The title may sound more impressive and powerful but the level of subjugation I felt would be much higher. His life would be all about work. Opposite of what we had been building and living. And he is going to have to work extremely hard to earn the extra dollars. There are no freebies.
It was a lucky coincidence that I ended up travelling on continent for once because time change wasn't an issue and we were able to touch base daily. Because the start date wasn't going to be until Jan '14 (as they initially assumed we'd need time to move), there was time to discuss the various facets though neither of us wished to make a career of it. My being away was a good thing too. Allowed both of us to sort through thoughts and feelings without the others' interference/influence.
In the end D came to his own conclusions and they happily matched mine. Yes I did provide lots of opinions and questions -- Wouldn't be my way not to but hopefully done in a manner where I wasn't coming across like I was trying to control or "spoil" everything.
I learned he is as protective of our life as I had hoped (phew!). Had it turned out differently, then time would tell if the glue that holds us together is strong enough to withstand such a large voluntary change. Voluntary being the operative word.
There are changes that are forced onto couples and families that cannot be easily understood or negotiated, only managed. This wasn't one of them. We had to remind ourselves that this whole out west search was self / lifestyle motivated, not out of need for more income. So it was imperative to remain highly cognisant of potential consequences during this process.
That's not to say he wasn't upset or sad about it. D did feel like he was letting his old boss down and all the friends who travelled for work (who were rallying for him to accept) by not stepping up. Bottom line was he decided He was about more Life, over more money and more work. We are both ecstatic to lay this whole adventure to rest. Have much to be grateful for.
Showing posts with label D's work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label D's work. Show all posts
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
D's Work Offer: The Decision
Here it is:
Excerpt of D's email to my "Parents" (the couple who have been more supportive of me than my biological ones).
MW has just come home from the East Coast and is swamped at work, so I thought I would reply with an update on the job decision.
The opportunity itself would be a real chance for me to use my skills and do some great work, and will lead to plenty of opportunities further down the road. But, once we started getting a clearer picture of what 75% travel looks like, I am not sure I am up for that big of a change and be even coherent once I get home. It would mean selling the cottage, as we would not have time to use it. Currently we go up on Thurs night and I work remote on Fridays. (Turns out my travel work week is more accurately described Sun to Fri.)
Our lifestyle is pretty great right now, and something like this, which on one hand would scratch my career ambition itch, would leave me with a very different leisure life. Combined with MW's travels, we run the very real possibility we might not see each for extended periods of time. So as you can imagine, it really does not work with our life and this week, I will be declining the offer. This officially ends the XYZ Adventure.
And an excerpt of their reply:
Thanks for keeping us updated on what has been a very difficult decision; however, you clearly carefully considered all factors and have no doubt made the right decision. As you note quality of life counts for more than the job! We trust (your company) will be pleased, as no doubt was MW.
Speaking of MW, how was her east coast adventure? It seems she would have had pretty fine weather, which is rare and quite essential in those parts. And how is your biking going? Tour de France next?
We eagerly anticipate your visit.
Excerpt of D's email to my "Parents" (the couple who have been more supportive of me than my biological ones).
MW has just come home from the East Coast and is swamped at work, so I thought I would reply with an update on the job decision.
The opportunity itself would be a real chance for me to use my skills and do some great work, and will lead to plenty of opportunities further down the road. But, once we started getting a clearer picture of what 75% travel looks like, I am not sure I am up for that big of a change and be even coherent once I get home. It would mean selling the cottage, as we would not have time to use it. Currently we go up on Thurs night and I work remote on Fridays. (Turns out my travel work week is more accurately described Sun to Fri.)
Our lifestyle is pretty great right now, and something like this, which on one hand would scratch my career ambition itch, would leave me with a very different leisure life. Combined with MW's travels, we run the very real possibility we might not see each for extended periods of time. So as you can imagine, it really does not work with our life and this week, I will be declining the offer. This officially ends the XYZ Adventure.
And an excerpt of their reply:
Thanks for keeping us updated on what has been a very difficult decision; however, you clearly carefully considered all factors and have no doubt made the right decision. As you note quality of life counts for more than the job! We trust (your company) will be pleased, as no doubt was MW.
Speaking of MW, how was her east coast adventure? It seems she would have had pretty fine weather, which is rare and quite essential in those parts. And how is your biking going? Tour de France next?
We eagerly anticipate your visit.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Insights
It has been real enlightening getting advice from people in the "know" with respect to work travel. And as it often happens, further understanding of one another has paved the way for deeper friendships.
In case you missed it in the comments, here's a real time description from psychsarah (Thanks again!):
"I'm probably not the best person to ask, as my husband has always traveled a fair bit for work. We even chose to live apart for about 1.5 years so we could both advance our respective careers. Now DH travels about 50-75% of the time during busy season and maybe 40-50% during the "off" season. I didn't love it but it was ok before we had our son. Now I find it very challenging when he's away for more than a couple of days (and we're expecting our second child in the new year, which I suspect will only make things more challenging). What ended up happening before kids was that I designed my life to do all my outside socializing/activities the weeks he was gone (i.e., meet friends for dinner/coffee/exercise) and spend time with him when he was home. I cooked the food I liked and he didn't when he was gone, and made the bet of it. We spoke every night on the phone (same as when we lived apart) and in some ways, this is more intensive communication than couples sometimes have living in the same house, as they don't make a point of it. It's definitely not for everyone, but you can make it work. Facetime/Skype also helps a lot. If it's sheer misery, after a year or something could you reconsider the move to cut down on the travel? When we lived apart, we thought we'd do 2 years and then I'd try to find something where he was, but after a year, we were both very "done" and he started seeking something where I was (in grad school, couldn't leave before completing my MA and was way easier to stay there to complete PhD). I guess I can only speak as the one at home, not the traveler, but I hope that's a bit helpful. Good luck making this tough decision."
And some excepts from emails we have received thus far:
"Wow, I agree that is a very high percentage of traveling. I would not be on board with that if it was B, even if it was before we had C. When he worked in (major city 3 hours away) , we found it hard and he could drive home for the weekends! I found we never had any time together and the traveling was exhausting for him, that by the time the weekend came he would just want to zone out. He was stressed and he hated staying in hotels and not eating proper meals. It did start to take a toll on our relationship. So I get your concerns for sure. I mean it may all sound okay to D now but a midnight flight and a 2 hour drive home...that will get old pretty soon. and being apart 3 weeks out of month...that is a lot.
I can see that why you wouldn't want to have to start over again, put in the extra time and work harder. So if you guys stayed put, would D be okay with that then?" (Send from one of my girlfriends whose husband used to travel. She is a stay at home Mom with a 3 years old.)
"D.... several thoughts. If the money is really good... then yes I
would take it. Being home for the weekends and then working from home the
other times is a definite plus. You don't have kids. You guys seem to be
committed to one another but yet a little independent so I don't see
MW as using that against you. Save some of the extra cash for those
together travel times. No joke though - its work - as glamorous as George
Clooney might make it... it has its downsides. A lot of alone time but with
technology as it is.. FaceTime, skype etc... its not as bad or tough as it
was 5-8 years ago. I think your timing is good where that is concerned. If
its just a lateral move that won't give you growth but something nice for
the resume... I might give it much more thought.
I hope that helps some... keep us posted." (Sent from friend we met travelling in Europe about 6 years ago. American. President of a small company that does business in South America, Asia and Africa. Travels 95%)
I'm still doing a fair amount of travel. It takes a different mind set for
someone to enjoy a lot of travel. You certainly need to have the desire to
see new and different locales. You have to be able to live outside your
comfort zone and in fact create yourself new ones. You'd be amazed how many
people like the routine of their everyday life - same bed, same time home
etc etc. There is nothing wrong with that but those people don't make good
travelers.
There is no question that travelling a lot can be tricky. First of all the
location is going to be a big factor in determining how much you like it. If
you are spending weeks on end in a boring small town then the novelty will wear
off quickly. Secondly - be prepared for things to go wrong at home when you
are away. People get sick, furnaces breakdown, deaths in the family (I've
had that a couple of times) and so on. You just have to take those things in
stride. I have never had anything happen while away that was catastrophic
and couldn't be dealt with. Those issues do take an understanding wife at
home though. I've been fortunate in that my wife travels a lot and
appreciates the reality of it. She knows that it is not all fun and games
and understands that it is a sacrifice we both make. Don't downplay that
part of it - I know a lot of guys who absolutely hate travelling because
they have no support at home. Their wives think they are out drinking and
partying with 20 year old bombshells hanging off their arms. Those people
watch way too much TV. My wife understands that after eating in a restaurant
all week the last thing I want to do is come home and go out for dinner. A
lot of guys wives insist on it as their "reward" for being left at home all
week. That mentality is just a breeding ground for resentment in both
party's. By the same token - you have to understand that everything may not
be "perfect" when you get home. She may have had a bad week herself and you
can't downplay it just because you have been away. Remember - it's a mutual
sacrifice - your being away from home isn't necessarily the bigger
sacrifice.
You will not be working 24 hours a day every day so you need to deal with
downtime. I have known a million people who travel for business and they
usually fall into one of two categories - they either spend all their time
in bars and turn into raging alcoholics or they spend all their time alone
in their hotel room and resent being away. One thing that I think has helped
me survive all these years of travel is that I use any free time I have to
familiarize myself with the city. Essentially I am a tourist - see the
sights, explore the town, enjoy where you are.
Bottom line is that travelling a lot is like anything else - some days are
good, some days are bad. I do emphasize though that without the support on
the home front it will be miserable. You have to make sure that your family
can deal with you being away first and foremost.
Hope this helps. Feel free to get in touch anytime if you have any
questions." (Sent from friend and ski buddy of D's who owns a medium size company.)
I'm not the least bit surprised they are making you an offer. As an A you definitely would need to travel especially at the beginning and end of specific projects. I don't mind the travel at all I am wired to be with clients so I really enjoy the face to face interaction. I find that when I'm on the road I work a tonne, then when I'm home I work a bit more relaxed. An example is that when I'm home I regularly take the kids to school, which I had never done before. L and the kids have actually adjusted well, I miss a number of evening activities but in truth I missed a lot of them before as well. I think I'm blessed that L worked at B and understands our world. She doesn't always like the timing of trips, but she understands. For example I need to travel on Thanksgiving Monday to be on site for a Tuesday morning. My advice is to make sure MW is on board and commits to a period of time then reassess. L and I did that first for six months, then yearly after that. Essentially we do a checkpoint to confirm we both want to keep things the way they are. One point you should consider is that you mostly travel on your own time. What I mean is I leave the house at 4:30am on Monday to be in D by 10:30 and leave D at 3pm and arrive home at 11:30pm. I don't work hard on Friday, but I also don't feel like I get the day off because of my travel time.
Bottom line in my case the rewards and personal satisfaction far out way the investment / sacrifice that I make. There is definitely a penalty to live in E, but at this point it is the right place for my family. In your case I think Y could be a great career move, and could create a high paying flexible lifestyle in your future. That said it isn't for everyone.
Let me know what you decide.....Good Luck (Sent from D's former boss who was the one who made the job recommendation. Travels 50 - 75%)
We've felt so grateful for the outpouring of openness from friends and colleagues by phone, email, blog. That effort alone has made this search for a different life worth it. It's not like we are asking for their favourite flavour of ice cream. This issue touches right into the heart of how families and relationships are and can be very private. Being allowed in is such an honour.
***Will be offline for the next 1 1/2 weeks. Happy Fall!***
In case you missed it in the comments, here's a real time description from psychsarah (Thanks again!):
"I'm probably not the best person to ask, as my husband has always traveled a fair bit for work. We even chose to live apart for about 1.5 years so we could both advance our respective careers. Now DH travels about 50-75% of the time during busy season and maybe 40-50% during the "off" season. I didn't love it but it was ok before we had our son. Now I find it very challenging when he's away for more than a couple of days (and we're expecting our second child in the new year, which I suspect will only make things more challenging). What ended up happening before kids was that I designed my life to do all my outside socializing/activities the weeks he was gone (i.e., meet friends for dinner/coffee/exercise) and spend time with him when he was home. I cooked the food I liked and he didn't when he was gone, and made the bet of it. We spoke every night on the phone (same as when we lived apart) and in some ways, this is more intensive communication than couples sometimes have living in the same house, as they don't make a point of it. It's definitely not for everyone, but you can make it work. Facetime/Skype also helps a lot. If it's sheer misery, after a year or something could you reconsider the move to cut down on the travel? When we lived apart, we thought we'd do 2 years and then I'd try to find something where he was, but after a year, we were both very "done" and he started seeking something where I was (in grad school, couldn't leave before completing my MA and was way easier to stay there to complete PhD). I guess I can only speak as the one at home, not the traveler, but I hope that's a bit helpful. Good luck making this tough decision."
And some excepts from emails we have received thus far:
"Wow, I agree that is a very high percentage of traveling. I would not be on board with that if it was B, even if it was before we had C. When he worked in (major city 3 hours away) , we found it hard and he could drive home for the weekends! I found we never had any time together and the traveling was exhausting for him, that by the time the weekend came he would just want to zone out. He was stressed and he hated staying in hotels and not eating proper meals. It did start to take a toll on our relationship. So I get your concerns for sure. I mean it may all sound okay to D now but a midnight flight and a 2 hour drive home...that will get old pretty soon. and being apart 3 weeks out of month...that is a lot.
I can see that why you wouldn't want to have to start over again, put in the extra time and work harder. So if you guys stayed put, would D be okay with that then?" (Send from one of my girlfriends whose husband used to travel. She is a stay at home Mom with a 3 years old.)
"D.... several thoughts. If the money is really good... then yes I
would take it. Being home for the weekends and then working from home the
other times is a definite plus. You don't have kids. You guys seem to be
committed to one another but yet a little independent so I don't see
MW as using that against you. Save some of the extra cash for those
together travel times. No joke though - its work - as glamorous as George
Clooney might make it... it has its downsides. A lot of alone time but with
technology as it is.. FaceTime, skype etc... its not as bad or tough as it
was 5-8 years ago. I think your timing is good where that is concerned. If
its just a lateral move that won't give you growth but something nice for
the resume... I might give it much more thought.
I hope that helps some... keep us posted." (Sent from friend we met travelling in Europe about 6 years ago. American. President of a small company that does business in South America, Asia and Africa. Travels 95%)
I'm still doing a fair amount of travel. It takes a different mind set for
someone to enjoy a lot of travel. You certainly need to have the desire to
see new and different locales. You have to be able to live outside your
comfort zone and in fact create yourself new ones. You'd be amazed how many
people like the routine of their everyday life - same bed, same time home
etc etc. There is nothing wrong with that but those people don't make good
travelers.
There is no question that travelling a lot can be tricky. First of all the
location is going to be a big factor in determining how much you like it. If
you are spending weeks on end in a boring small town then the novelty will wear
off quickly. Secondly - be prepared for things to go wrong at home when you
are away. People get sick, furnaces breakdown, deaths in the family (I've
had that a couple of times) and so on. You just have to take those things in
stride. I have never had anything happen while away that was catastrophic
and couldn't be dealt with. Those issues do take an understanding wife at
home though. I've been fortunate in that my wife travels a lot and
appreciates the reality of it. She knows that it is not all fun and games
and understands that it is a sacrifice we both make. Don't downplay that
part of it - I know a lot of guys who absolutely hate travelling because
they have no support at home. Their wives think they are out drinking and
partying with 20 year old bombshells hanging off their arms. Those people
watch way too much TV. My wife understands that after eating in a restaurant
all week the last thing I want to do is come home and go out for dinner. A
lot of guys wives insist on it as their "reward" for being left at home all
week. That mentality is just a breeding ground for resentment in both
party's. By the same token - you have to understand that everything may not
be "perfect" when you get home. She may have had a bad week herself and you
can't downplay it just because you have been away. Remember - it's a mutual
sacrifice - your being away from home isn't necessarily the bigger
sacrifice.
You will not be working 24 hours a day every day so you need to deal with
downtime. I have known a million people who travel for business and they
usually fall into one of two categories - they either spend all their time
in bars and turn into raging alcoholics or they spend all their time alone
in their hotel room and resent being away. One thing that I think has helped
me survive all these years of travel is that I use any free time I have to
familiarize myself with the city. Essentially I am a tourist - see the
sights, explore the town, enjoy where you are.
Bottom line is that travelling a lot is like anything else - some days are
good, some days are bad. I do emphasize though that without the support on
the home front it will be miserable. You have to make sure that your family
can deal with you being away first and foremost.
Hope this helps. Feel free to get in touch anytime if you have any
questions." (Sent from friend and ski buddy of D's who owns a medium size company.)
I'm not the least bit surprised they are making you an offer. As an A you definitely would need to travel especially at the beginning and end of specific projects. I don't mind the travel at all I am wired to be with clients so I really enjoy the face to face interaction. I find that when I'm on the road I work a tonne, then when I'm home I work a bit more relaxed. An example is that when I'm home I regularly take the kids to school, which I had never done before. L and the kids have actually adjusted well, I miss a number of evening activities but in truth I missed a lot of them before as well. I think I'm blessed that L worked at B and understands our world. She doesn't always like the timing of trips, but she understands. For example I need to travel on Thanksgiving Monday to be on site for a Tuesday morning. My advice is to make sure MW is on board and commits to a period of time then reassess. L and I did that first for six months, then yearly after that. Essentially we do a checkpoint to confirm we both want to keep things the way they are. One point you should consider is that you mostly travel on your own time. What I mean is I leave the house at 4:30am on Monday to be in D by 10:30 and leave D at 3pm and arrive home at 11:30pm. I don't work hard on Friday, but I also don't feel like I get the day off because of my travel time.
Bottom line in my case the rewards and personal satisfaction far out way the investment / sacrifice that I make. There is definitely a penalty to live in E, but at this point it is the right place for my family. In your case I think Y could be a great career move, and could create a high paying flexible lifestyle in your future. That said it isn't for everyone.
Let me know what you decide.....Good Luck (Sent from D's former boss who was the one who made the job recommendation. Travels 50 - 75%)
We've felt so grateful for the outpouring of openness from friends and colleagues by phone, email, blog. That effort alone has made this search for a different life worth it. It's not like we are asking for their favourite flavour of ice cream. This issue touches right into the heart of how families and relationships are and can be very private. Being allowed in is such an honour.
***Will be offline for the next 1 1/2 weeks. Happy Fall!***
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Advice Needed: Work Travel?
We are in the midst of sifting through a job offer D received yesterday from a company out west.
After telling them I wasn't sold on my own career opportunities enough to want to move, they are willing to have him do this job from our home province.
Here's the caveat: If we had committed to moving, the amount of work travel would max out at around 50%. Being located out of province, it jumps to a max of 75%.
That seems awfully high to me. Having no experience with significant work travel myself (neither does D), just leisure, and from hearing friends describe it, it often sounds not near as fun or glamorous than it may appear.
If anyone has any insight into travelling for work, I'm all ears.
Pay wise, it will make up for having to give up a pension. Benefits and bonus structure are fairly parallel.
Quickly looking into flight options for the various locales he would be travelling to (Canada & US mostly), the best he would be able to do for getting home is a midnight landing, followed by a 1 1/2 - 2 hour drive home. Otherwise it would mean staying an extra night and landing at 6:30 am plus the drive.
Travelling is part of the nature of that position and isn't something that will go away.
I can't help thinking of the impact on our marriage and on the over all balance of our life.
It is a niche industry and would be what D considers a very smart career move as it would be something that would literally mean he won't have to worry about not being able to find a job, contract or full time in the future. It would open doors to working overseas.
Would that be worth the price to pay? You'd better believe I'd be worried about his drive in the winter time. And I'd probably be staying up to track his flights. We do that now for each other.
I guess I'm well suited to having a husband who travels since I'm pretty independent. But is that really the point?
Lots of thinking out loud going on around here.
After telling them I wasn't sold on my own career opportunities enough to want to move, they are willing to have him do this job from our home province.
Here's the caveat: If we had committed to moving, the amount of work travel would max out at around 50%. Being located out of province, it jumps to a max of 75%.
That seems awfully high to me. Having no experience with significant work travel myself (neither does D), just leisure, and from hearing friends describe it, it often sounds not near as fun or glamorous than it may appear.
If anyone has any insight into travelling for work, I'm all ears.
Pay wise, it will make up for having to give up a pension. Benefits and bonus structure are fairly parallel.
Quickly looking into flight options for the various locales he would be travelling to (Canada & US mostly), the best he would be able to do for getting home is a midnight landing, followed by a 1 1/2 - 2 hour drive home. Otherwise it would mean staying an extra night and landing at 6:30 am plus the drive.
Travelling is part of the nature of that position and isn't something that will go away.
I can't help thinking of the impact on our marriage and on the over all balance of our life.
It is a niche industry and would be what D considers a very smart career move as it would be something that would literally mean he won't have to worry about not being able to find a job, contract or full time in the future. It would open doors to working overseas.
Would that be worth the price to pay? You'd better believe I'd be worried about his drive in the winter time. And I'd probably be staying up to track his flights. We do that now for each other.
I guess I'm well suited to having a husband who travels since I'm pretty independent. But is that really the point?
Lots of thinking out loud going on around here.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
D's Mini Mid Life Work Crisis?
I came home to find D chest deep in a mini mid life crisis with respect to his work.
He just started with a new and much better department but is still feeling restless. Not even riding 100 km+ and all the other stuff he is into has shaken the feeling off. So he searched for career opportunities out west and spoke to contacts and recruiters while I was gone. We talked about it before I left but I didn't get the impression he was that serious.
We went through the real estate exercise a year or so ago and wasn't motivated enough to go further. Who knows what this may bring. Out of curiosity, I did a cursory look for myself. Sure there are openings but finding a part time one hasn't been fruitful. So, this new opportunity of D's would need to cover at least half of what I make to make it worthwhile and within my comfort zone.
He tells me if he is happily committed to working for the next 10 years, why not be in a "better" place sooner than later?
I can't argue with that logic. Neither of us are "in love" with where we are. And we've carved out the greatest life we could based on our resources. It's true we feel like we've "maxed out" on the best of our location.
Canada is big. Why not try living in a different part of it? We already are with our ski condo, why not make another place permanent? One thing's for sure, neither of us will miss the heavy humidity our region is known for. So choices are Pacific or Atlantic, elevation or sea level. It's kinda fun to dream but I've found it gets weary fast as I factor in all the financial and other logistical details etc.
Oh to be really young again, before I worried enough about stuff to veto ideas quickly.
He just started with a new and much better department but is still feeling restless. Not even riding 100 km+ and all the other stuff he is into has shaken the feeling off. So he searched for career opportunities out west and spoke to contacts and recruiters while I was gone. We talked about it before I left but I didn't get the impression he was that serious.
We went through the real estate exercise a year or so ago and wasn't motivated enough to go further. Who knows what this may bring. Out of curiosity, I did a cursory look for myself. Sure there are openings but finding a part time one hasn't been fruitful. So, this new opportunity of D's would need to cover at least half of what I make to make it worthwhile and within my comfort zone.
He tells me if he is happily committed to working for the next 10 years, why not be in a "better" place sooner than later?
I can't argue with that logic. Neither of us are "in love" with where we are. And we've carved out the greatest life we could based on our resources. It's true we feel like we've "maxed out" on the best of our location.
Canada is big. Why not try living in a different part of it? We already are with our ski condo, why not make another place permanent? One thing's for sure, neither of us will miss the heavy humidity our region is known for. So choices are Pacific or Atlantic, elevation or sea level. It's kinda fun to dream but I've found it gets weary fast as I factor in all the financial and other logistical details etc.
Oh to be really young again, before I worried enough about stuff to veto ideas quickly.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Long Awaited
D accepted the long awaited job offer the day I left for Barcelona. There was a small signing bonus ($2500) as it was his first internal position. By the time the tax man gets a hold of it, we'll have enough for a couple of new tires for my car so am happy with that. Coincidentally we both started in new offices this week. What are the chances?
He begins with one day a week at home and will work back up to 3 over time (hoping for 2 by the end of the year). I miss not having him at home on the days I work, to see me off. The tables have turned and now I'm up at 6 am cooking breakfast and seeing him off. It is really important he starts the day well. Hopefully we won't have to be concerned with job hunts or office moves for a while.
My trip to Barcelona was exactly what I needed. I rented an apartment in Gracia, a new area for me, which was an easy and scenic 45 min walk to Placa de Catalunya and another 15 min to La Boqueria. It was so nice to be back for a longer stay than just a day or two. I was excited to finally be able to explore the city.
I started off by spending the first few days hanging out in my hood. Pleased with toning things down after all the stuff that had been going on. Because my visit to Prague wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped, there was a build up of stuff I needed to work through on my own and I was anxious to get at it. It is a luxury to be able to concern myself with only myself for a short while. Upgraded to world business class on the way over to kick start things.
The vibe of the city really resonated with me. People were busy, professional but relaxed. That's kind of an oxymoron here at home. The city is visually stunning. Covered a bit of new ground each day. Not a whole lot but that didn't bother me. I haven't felt this laid back and open since Norway or Nice. All the possibilities of the world opened up to me again. The regimentation of everyday home life has a tendency to restrict my belief in what's possible.
Very happy I didn't buy tickets to concerts and games in advance as I was content letting things free flow for the duration versus living by a watch or calendar. That was tough for me because I could have experienced a Bach Cello Concerto, a Spanish Guitar concert, a Baroque vocal concert and a Barca game.
My apartment was new, modern and had a private terrace. It was wonderful sitting out there after a long day out, letting the late day sun or early evening warmth dry my hair while I wrote or listened to music before deciding what to do that evening. The weather was in the mid 20s C all week. The locals were still wearing long sleeves, scarves and pants.
Got turned around a few times. The final incident on the last day was the worst. I broke down and had to ask for directions because I was so frustrated. It was late, I was outside of my map zone and still needed to pack and get the apartment ready for check out. To top it off, it was starting to drizzle. That ended up helping as the rain tapped me out of my funk.
Made no effort to learn Catalan. It is so different from Spanish I honestly didn't know where to start. People were friendly and would speak to you in Catalan and quickly got used to seeing my deer in the headlights look as I had zero idea what they were saying. Thank goodness they would switch to Spanish after hearing my often pathetic attempts to explain myself. I think it was cool they thought I could understand in the first place.
Each morning before I'd head out, I'd read over my language sheets. It's amazing how helpless I felt when I couldn't remember how to say the word 'slice' or 'piece' or 'few' or 'it doesn't fit' or 'that one'' etc. etc. It was glaringly obvious I need to study more.
If you are going to stay outside of the core, don't expect anybody/many people to be able to speak English. You will also have to make up your own maps as regular tourist maps didn't extend far enough. D helped me out with that. And I worked on memorizing them as I only pull maps out in public as last resort.
Enjoyed my area so much I didn't cover near the amount of ground I originally had in mind. I was prepared for everything. Each area of the city is self contained. You will find at least one good market and pretty much everything you would need. Mine had a small village feel. It wasn't fancy or full of architectural gems but was simple and uncluttered. Reflected how I wanted to feel inside.
He begins with one day a week at home and will work back up to 3 over time (hoping for 2 by the end of the year). I miss not having him at home on the days I work, to see me off. The tables have turned and now I'm up at 6 am cooking breakfast and seeing him off. It is really important he starts the day well. Hopefully we won't have to be concerned with job hunts or office moves for a while.
My trip to Barcelona was exactly what I needed. I rented an apartment in Gracia, a new area for me, which was an easy and scenic 45 min walk to Placa de Catalunya and another 15 min to La Boqueria. It was so nice to be back for a longer stay than just a day or two. I was excited to finally be able to explore the city.
I started off by spending the first few days hanging out in my hood. Pleased with toning things down after all the stuff that had been going on. Because my visit to Prague wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped, there was a build up of stuff I needed to work through on my own and I was anxious to get at it. It is a luxury to be able to concern myself with only myself for a short while. Upgraded to world business class on the way over to kick start things.
The vibe of the city really resonated with me. People were busy, professional but relaxed. That's kind of an oxymoron here at home. The city is visually stunning. Covered a bit of new ground each day. Not a whole lot but that didn't bother me. I haven't felt this laid back and open since Norway or Nice. All the possibilities of the world opened up to me again. The regimentation of everyday home life has a tendency to restrict my belief in what's possible.
Very happy I didn't buy tickets to concerts and games in advance as I was content letting things free flow for the duration versus living by a watch or calendar. That was tough for me because I could have experienced a Bach Cello Concerto, a Spanish Guitar concert, a Baroque vocal concert and a Barca game.
My apartment was new, modern and had a private terrace. It was wonderful sitting out there after a long day out, letting the late day sun or early evening warmth dry my hair while I wrote or listened to music before deciding what to do that evening. The weather was in the mid 20s C all week. The locals were still wearing long sleeves, scarves and pants.
Got turned around a few times. The final incident on the last day was the worst. I broke down and had to ask for directions because I was so frustrated. It was late, I was outside of my map zone and still needed to pack and get the apartment ready for check out. To top it off, it was starting to drizzle. That ended up helping as the rain tapped me out of my funk.
Made no effort to learn Catalan. It is so different from Spanish I honestly didn't know where to start. People were friendly and would speak to you in Catalan and quickly got used to seeing my deer in the headlights look as I had zero idea what they were saying. Thank goodness they would switch to Spanish after hearing my often pathetic attempts to explain myself. I think it was cool they thought I could understand in the first place.
Each morning before I'd head out, I'd read over my language sheets. It's amazing how helpless I felt when I couldn't remember how to say the word 'slice' or 'piece' or 'few' or 'it doesn't fit' or 'that one'' etc. etc. It was glaringly obvious I need to study more.
If you are going to stay outside of the core, don't expect anybody/many people to be able to speak English. You will also have to make up your own maps as regular tourist maps didn't extend far enough. D helped me out with that. And I worked on memorizing them as I only pull maps out in public as last resort.
Enjoyed my area so much I didn't cover near the amount of ground I originally had in mind. I was prepared for everything. Each area of the city is self contained. You will find at least one good market and pretty much everything you would need. Mine had a small village feel. It wasn't fancy or full of architectural gems but was simple and uncluttered. Reflected how I wanted to feel inside.
First purchase from my local market
Mercat de la Llibertat
How cool was this find?! The owner is from Iceland
Monday, January 7, 2013
Walking & Talking
D and I walk together often -- After dinner, afternoons, weekends. It gives us a chance to catch up with each other as well as work out some stuff that may be occupying our minds. It is something I look forward to. Recent events (before Christmas) had us walking and talking about a few things more serious than usual.
D fluctuates from hitting the ceiling with the amount of agony (crap) he is willing to take on a daily basis from his current department to appreciation of his job. Recently he has acknowledged the type of person he would need to change into in order to continue his current role. Despite receiving numerous accolades for projects done under very difficult circumstances (people), he is not convinced he wants to stay and play in such a toxic environment.
When he told me, my immediate thought was OK, what type of planning do we have to do as I assumed it meant a change of job. I asked him if he felt strong enough about it to choose a job that paid less? He isn't leaving the company but will again be looking to move out of this division even if it means a pay decrease. For what he does, he is at the top of his pay grade which actually overlaps with the next level.
I've said this before -- What we potentially give up are the lifestyle "perks" that comes with his current boss who believes in the work-life balance thing. Previous to this D had decided he was OK with tolerating those particular negative aspects of his work because of it. Even now he still questions his motives.
Recent events have made him reconsider and accept that things are not likely to change there. So adapt or get out. Some people thrive in consistently antagonistic frameworks. Not us -- What a waste of good energy. Much harder to be straightforward and honest but better for everyone involved in the long run. However, I'm not the best judge of what's possible in a corporate environment -- Too idealistic.
D is finding it harder to harder to decompress and I can see what it is doing to my otherwise easy going happy man. From my end, what matters most is his peace of mind. If he is not in a good place, then we aren't in a good place. And for us to move along/forward we both need to be...at least moving in that direction deliberately.
What can be done right now is calculate what it would mean should he accept a job offer that pays at the low end of his pay scale. There is a 30K variance within his pay grade so not a small number. It made sense to see how that would affect our bottom line should it end up as our reality even though D thinks it wouldn't be likely.
In order for us to keep living the way we are, save the amount we do, a 30K drop would mean I would not be getting my "annuity" payment from D until he completes his portion of house mortgage/ski condo mortgage/car loan which currently sits at about 59K with the end being Dec 2015.
In reality, it wouldn't be that big a deal to me. I can accept it. The other differences include annual bonus amount -- Overall percentage would be the same but if based on a lower salary, the net amount will obviously decrease. Ditto with pension calculations and life insurance as D's coverage is based on multiples of his salary.
Part of D's apprehension with bringing this up I think was his worry of my reaction. When he realized I wasn't phased by it, he relaxed. I am more concerned for his (our) mental health than a drop in income. And once we worked through what the numbers would mean, we moved on.
We are far from having to sell anything or drastically change the way we do things because of an income drop. It's a freeing feeling. And even if we did, so what? Our lives would still hardly qualify as suffering by any measure.
He gave notice of his intent to pursue difference opportunities at his year end review. And has his eyes on a couple of other departments. I know he will be strongly competitive when it's interview time. And I believe he won't know what he'll really do until he is actually faced with options.
D fluctuates from hitting the ceiling with the amount of agony (crap) he is willing to take on a daily basis from his current department to appreciation of his job. Recently he has acknowledged the type of person he would need to change into in order to continue his current role. Despite receiving numerous accolades for projects done under very difficult circumstances (people), he is not convinced he wants to stay and play in such a toxic environment.
When he told me, my immediate thought was OK, what type of planning do we have to do as I assumed it meant a change of job. I asked him if he felt strong enough about it to choose a job that paid less? He isn't leaving the company but will again be looking to move out of this division even if it means a pay decrease. For what he does, he is at the top of his pay grade which actually overlaps with the next level.
I've said this before -- What we potentially give up are the lifestyle "perks" that comes with his current boss who believes in the work-life balance thing. Previous to this D had decided he was OK with tolerating those particular negative aspects of his work because of it. Even now he still questions his motives.
Recent events have made him reconsider and accept that things are not likely to change there. So adapt or get out. Some people thrive in consistently antagonistic frameworks. Not us -- What a waste of good energy. Much harder to be straightforward and honest but better for everyone involved in the long run. However, I'm not the best judge of what's possible in a corporate environment -- Too idealistic.
D is finding it harder to harder to decompress and I can see what it is doing to my otherwise easy going happy man. From my end, what matters most is his peace of mind. If he is not in a good place, then we aren't in a good place. And for us to move along/forward we both need to be...at least moving in that direction deliberately.
What can be done right now is calculate what it would mean should he accept a job offer that pays at the low end of his pay scale. There is a 30K variance within his pay grade so not a small number. It made sense to see how that would affect our bottom line should it end up as our reality even though D thinks it wouldn't be likely.
In order for us to keep living the way we are, save the amount we do, a 30K drop would mean I would not be getting my "annuity" payment from D until he completes his portion of house mortgage/ski condo mortgage/car loan which currently sits at about 59K with the end being Dec 2015.
In reality, it wouldn't be that big a deal to me. I can accept it. The other differences include annual bonus amount -- Overall percentage would be the same but if based on a lower salary, the net amount will obviously decrease. Ditto with pension calculations and life insurance as D's coverage is based on multiples of his salary.
Part of D's apprehension with bringing this up I think was his worry of my reaction. When he realized I wasn't phased by it, he relaxed. I am more concerned for his (our) mental health than a drop in income. And once we worked through what the numbers would mean, we moved on.
We are far from having to sell anything or drastically change the way we do things because of an income drop. It's a freeing feeling. And even if we did, so what? Our lives would still hardly qualify as suffering by any measure.
He gave notice of his intent to pursue difference opportunities at his year end review. And has his eyes on a couple of other departments. I know he will be strongly competitive when it's interview time. And I believe he won't know what he'll really do until he is actually faced with options.
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