A couple of money related events happened to people I know recently.
The first one is someone I work with who is going through a nasty divorce with 2 young kids. Her stress and anxiety level is through the roof most days and you can feel the electricity from her. She is in her mid 20's, works part time, would not be able to stand on her own 2 feet financially.
I'm not sure how she managed to find a boyfriend while managing everything related to the divorce -- splitting up assets, selling house etc. but after 6 weeks, she is moved in with him with her children. He has a child from a previous marriage. He is an really awesome guy but I question the timing. Maybe he has a need to rescue women in distress?
Now she is pregnant. Her words were, "No, it wasn't planned but he is only 30 yrs old and he only has the one child. He is not finished yet. What's another kid when you already have 3?"
I did not know what to say. D would tell you that I would be the worst poker player because I cannot hide my facial expressions very well. I had a hard time feeling excited for her.
The second scenario comes from a past colleague of D's. He is a very ego driven guy. Likes to have the multiple racing vehicles, thinks a 3 car garage is a must have and is compensating for have growing up without much money and a previously failed marriage.
So with this new marriage, he is determined to be the hero and the Man that makes everything happen for his new wife and child.
He happens to have married a spouse that cannot and will not manage money. He told D that she spent $1000 on groceries last month, puts between $700 - 800 on credit cards each month that he has pay off, has student loans and in a few months, will have only worked a real job for 1 1/2 yrs before fully retiring. They are in their early and mid 30's.
They have just sold their house and bought another one in a different city whereby he will have to commute over 2 hrs a day because he feels it is "the right thing to do" so that his family can be close to relatives.
His wife doesn't seem to be worried at all that her husband is going to have a crazy commute, especially during the winter.
It is like watching a slow motion train wreck. And to think there are many days I get overwhelmed by my problems...
On the surface it seems that the women in these relationships are taking advantage of their men, but ultimately I think the problem is that the couples are not on the same page financially. They have probably never sat down and discussed financial goals, and the impact that their behaviors have on each other.
ReplyDeleteRegarding scenario 1, it seems to me that there are some women who firmly believe that being a Mom is a "full-time job" (even though it's completely voluntary and self-inflicted). Perhaps having another pregnancy is her own form of job security.
It is refreshing to get a male perspective! I too hold the same ideas about motherhood and if I said it, people would think I was betraying all other women!
ReplyDeleteI too believe it does come down to communication and why they are in a relationship in the first place.
If it isn't to help build a better life for both people involved, then why? To be a parasite?