Saturday, September 12, 2009

On Being Worn Out

We will be caught up filling the hole that D's car purchase made by the end of the month. In order for that to have happened, I moved numbers around so that our massive mortgage prepayments will start in a couple of weeks. I'm excited about it starting and seeing bigger chunk changes on screen.

On an entirely different note, I recently finish a distance course on burnout, professional quality of life etc. and have been gauging my responses to life and work.

It turns out that by the end of my work day, I'm at a 9/10 stress/revved up level. That is too high. The funny thing is that now that I'm aware of that, I can isolate what parts of my day causes it to go up and down.

This past work week, I did not feel myself get above 7. I actually went through my day yesterday at a 5. Incredible.

I have been a Type A for as long as I can remember. For me to be at a 5, at first, felt like I was stoned out. I didn't believe I could even do my job in that state. D says that on his busiest day, he gets to a 4! You should have seen my face when he told me that.

I surprised myself. I was calm (even though I thought I came across like comatose...) and didn't feel rushed. My "normal" speed at work is likened to working the ER. I don't need to work that way anymore. (I interned at a hospital during the last 1 1/2 yrs of my program, that had a predominant HIV/AIDs speciality) and my speed never changed in the last 12 years.

No wonder I feel worn out. My state didn't match where I was now. What a relief to find that out and make changes to it. I'm going to be healthier for it.

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