Unfortunately the course will not be what I was looking for or expecting so I will not be continuing. But over the course of the evening I was reminded of something that for many years I was not "allowed" to believe.
Not everything I try will I like nor will work for me.
I was brought up in a family that didn't like quitters. Because of that I persevered through a lot of things just because I started it. Imagine being told at age 7 that if we buy this piano for you, you will have to finish all of the levels and become a teacher.
Luckily, I ended up liking it but the last 3 yrs (out of 11) of practicing 3 hrs a day during the week and 5 hrs a day on the weekend were hell. I wouldn't even go into the room where the piano was for 1 1/2 yrs after my last exam.
My brother had it easier. Because I already fulfilled the "piano contract", it was OK that he quit after a couple of years. Being the eldest certainly had its challenges.
This was one of the tougher categories of childhood programming I had to undo as I grew up, for sanity's sake. Perseverance can be a real asset but anything done to an extreme can be unhealthy for mind and body.
It has been difficult dealing with the voices in my head saying things like "Now, if you take this on, you are going to have to get really good, or it won't be "worth" it" or "If you spend this amount of money, you'd better have something to show for it" or "You are going to be failure if you quit".
My first real breakthrough with "quitting" something because it did not work for me was 13 yrs ago. I have not looked back. This outlook has spilled over all areas of my life for the better.
- I do not reprimand myself if I order something that didn't end up tasting good at a restaurant even though it cost money
- I do not worry about cancellation fees on courses/classes that didn't meet my expectations
- I am not hard on myself for missing a day of work or a class because I am sick
- I will take a "snow day" if it is dangerous to drive
- If I am tired and exhausted and I cannot do it, then I say no
- If I am full, I will not finish my plate
- If I find myself in a relationship that isn't working, I will leave
Obvious stuff to many of you, I realize, but real challenges for me to get over.