For Real

You know how you can feel it when someone really means something?

Well, in the past few months, D has been genuinely grateful for the life we get to live.  In fact, it oozes from him.  He has said similar in the past, but I've never felt it resonate as true as it does now.  It's like he has suddenly seen our life in 3D, how everything plays together and stacks up.

I'm not entirely sure if his leaving the last workplace has been the cause of his realization, now that the fog has lifted?  It's easy to not be able to appreciate or see things clearly when mired in stress.  I certainly can relate to that.  Or have things finally come together enough to be truly recognizable?

I have to admit that most of the drive to create has stemmed from my vision and he has been happy to follow along.  D doesn't enjoy planning nor the extended discussions as much as I do.  He isn't the dream ahead, big picture kind of guy and has admitted that he has not allowed himself to wish so broadly.  His strength is with participating in the execution.

I'd be lying if I didn't also admit that I've wished I had more help in the dreaming, planning and fleshing out parts.  Often I've felt like I was the only one coming up with ideas and ways to get there. Fortunately I am not easily deterred and can drive on without encouragement or support if I believe in something strong enough.

His response has given me a lot of gratification as executing a great life has taken years in the making and at times, I've felt like I have been the only one truly believing in "the plan".  Although D has stated he was on board, the detached sense I sometimes got from him has made me question whether what I believed to be a solid and well thought out path was truly good for both of us.

Because I've been the one who has pushed the discipline with saving etc. there has been extended years of me feeling like the "bad guy".  Not a role I cherished especially when I felt like he didn't appreciate the sheer amount of time and work I was spending on creating.  It has been a struggle of wills at times.

You can imagine how good it feels to be recognized for my ongoing efforts, to see his enthusiasm and feel the joy in his voice.  He really gets it now and wants it too.

For me, I feel amazement at how our lives have unfolded despite the down portions.  It has superseded any expectations and ideas either of us have had along the way.  My gratitude and appreciation has rarely been higher.