Saturday, October 13, 2012


I am concerned my overall productive capacity has shrunk.  Now that I seem to have some more time on my hands, it has become grossly apparent I am accomplishing just a shadow of what I remember being capable of and it disturbs me. 

You know the old adage of "use it or lose it" as applied to fitness, mental endeavors etc.   It really does hold true in many instances.  I can only sit around being zen for so long.  (Not criticizing meditation, just recognizing my own needs and limits)

Our art classes have reminded me of just how much I can accomplish and gain without being tired.  And just how tired I can get when only using (exhausting) one small portion of my brain over and over again, thinking that's the most important and forgetting there is more available. 

When I first started my career I was working 36 hr a week, teaching piano for 16 hr between Fri - Sun (1 1/2 hr drive away) and doing a Masters degree full time.  Believe it or not, that was an easier schedule than when I was in school full time.

One can argue the above was just nuts but I was thriving.  Tired but happy.  Alive.  Though it may look like it from the description, I'm not a workaholic.  I wasn't that busy at work yet and had a responsibility to stay with my students until their final exams.  The extra schooling allowed me to pay off my students loan interest free.

Nowadays, getting a consistent work out in is an achievement.  I have gotten "soft" but I refuse to believe it is permanent.  It's just that I've just gotten way out of balance with work over the last decade, making it more of my life than I ideally want.  The restlessness also explains why an income alone has never been enough despite work being fulfilling on a number of levels. 

I need to push the boundaries of my brain again as it has developed some not so lovely handles.

As my ballet lessons did not pan out this term, here's what I've decided to take on next (sadly, not helicopter -- but a bigger commitment in a lot of ways)...Hint (1995 -- So young then!).   She's all grown up now.  And no worries, I will not subject you to any examples of my efforts.

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