Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Deja Vu

Having been in a relationship with a significantly older man long before I met D, I find myself protective of a cousin of mine who is engaged to an older man, especially when she cites my previous experience as the reason why the rest of the family has accepted her situation easier than I had it.

We have just gotten back in touch after a decade or so of separation. I haven't met him yet but the parallels to my past are glaring. He is very successful, has kids from a previous marriage, multiple homes, long engagement, great lifestyle and giant diamond?

Don't know about the diamond part but mine was beautiful and had cost $15000. I gave it back to him when I couldn't bring myself to marry him after being engaged for almost 3 years..

I've told her a bit about my experiences as she had assumed we were still together. Hope she will not end up as disillusioned as I was. I have been trying to gage how financially independent she is as she doesn't seem to be working very much right now.

I feel it is important to continue building your own career and not get too swept away with all the lifestyle perks that come with being with a successful older man...trips abroad, dinners out, weekends away, no mortgage (in my case) etc. etc.

It was because I kept building my career that made it easier to leave an satisfactory relationship, buy my own place and move out without having to wait out a long separation. In fact I juggled expenses of 2 homes for 7 months.

I know I'm projecting here when I say I hope he is as financially sound as his lifestyle displays. An ex wife and 3 kids worth of education doesn't come cheap. There is one in university and 2 about to go.

Perhaps my cousin has truly found her soul mate and their individual financial situation is as solid as can be. I am just experiencing a huge wave of deja vu, that's all.


  1. Your concern simply shows that you care and don’t want to see her getting hurt. If she were my cousin, I’d ask her to have a detailed “money talk” with her fiancé as soon as possible. Both of them should be open regarding how much asset and debt they each have, how will they handle the finances when they’re married, etc.

  2. Hi Jersey Mom;

    Thanks! I realize I may be jumping the gun here.

    I'm trying to figure out a way to broach the subject of a money status talk.

    A delicate subject when it is just recently we are back in communication.