Friday, February 20, 2009

Why Are You There?

This post was inspired by Celes who wrote "Are You Looking For A Relationship To Complete Yourself?" as a prelude to Valentine's Day.

I know a number of people who have rushed into relationships so that they can play the "role" of a girlfriend/boyfriend, which eventually leads to bride/groom, leading to mother/father.

I do believe there can be a lot pressure from societal images that push some to take on roles before they are really aware of what it means to them.

It is fun to put on a dream wedding, be the center of attention at bridal or baby showers put on for you... to buy that dream house with the 2 or 3 car garage... to be the first of your friends to be pregnant...

But love/attraction/chemistry aside, what are you really bringing to the table?

  • Someone who is at peace with themself?
  • Someone who has enough life experience to know that this is what they really want and am ready for?
  • Someone who feels like they have something to offer?
  • Someone who is happy with their life and want to share it and build on it with someone else?

Or is it more like:

  • Someone who is lonely and afraid of being along?
  • Someone who would like a "life" but don't know how to go about getting one on their own?
  • Someone who doesn't want to work and want to be taken care of?
  • Someone who want to have kids to compensate for their difficult childhood?
  • Someone looking to escape from their life at home?

The most inspiring couples I know are ones where both persons are their own person and can function well independently.

  • Often they have some separate interests so that there are sharing of ideas and passions.
  • Each person is fabulous in their own right so that 1 + 1 = more than 2.
  • They have chosen to be in a relationship to enhance who they already are.
  • They have chosen to create and build a uniquely combined life where neither loses themselves in the process.

Ah, something to inspire to!


  1. Great post, and great questions! I'd like to think I'm answering them all the right way. Hmm, will think about why I'm in a relationship (maybe I'll ask the BF too, hee hee).

  2. Great questions that everyone should ask themselves. Mr M and met when I was 27, so I had been on my own for years. In many ways I'm still almost too independent. I know girls who have used men to define themselves. Relationship or not, everyone needs a strong sense of self.

  3. Hi Daphne!

    Thank you! I believe that if we want better answers, then it is necessary to ask better questions.

    So I tend to ask myself a whole lot of questions. As you say, life is short so I want to be as sure as I can that I am doing and living the way I really want to be.

    It didn't surprise me one bit that you are answering them along the way. It will be fun to see what the BF has to say for himself! :)

    Hi Miss M!

    I absolutely agree. I also believe that a strong sense of self is an attractive trait. Personally I gravitate toward people who know who they are.

    I don't have any patience for the arguement that men are intimidated by strong women -- it takes a strong man to be able to appreciate a strong woman!

  4. What a great post! :D You really nailed the insights on the head! I agree the most inspiring relationships are really the ones where both individuals are already whole, making the relationship a larger sum of the individuals. This is an extremely empowering state and I do look forward to being in such a relationship one day :D

  5. Hi Celes!

    With your insights and positive nature, I have no doubt you will find yourself in an inspiring relationship!