Light

July was a dark month for me.  Hadn't had one that emotionally bad for decades.  Hope to not have to repeat it any time soon.  Wanted to step away from it all.  Magically the curtain lifted at the end of that month and it has taken since then for me to feel like me again.

Took time off, cut back on work, spoke to colleagues about filling in, got some push back from work, went ahead with it anyway.  No one knew how fragile the string that was holding me together was.  I can hide some things well.  Increased my workouts thinking it would help neutralize stress but it just made my heart hurt more.  Kept with it anyways.

It has felt like a waste of a summer.  But it wasn't.  Lots of personal growth.  My cardio got better.  Getting back in touch with my intuition was a necessary thing.  Hadn't realized I had gotten so detached and was living primary guided by my well meaning left brain.

Started writing on paper again.  How I've missed it.  Forgotten how important that organic process is versus typing.  Spoke less.  Felt more.  Made all the difference.  And I'm staying with the reduced work schedule.

Didn't cancel any trips.  Just didn't demand anything huge from myself while there.  As a treat, added an "easy" destination to remind myself what that's like.  It was spring time and the light was beautiful.