Wednesday, November 5, 2014


I have a way higher sense of urgency than D does for most things.  This difference between us can create friction when our views clash when certain decisions need to be made.  My thinking tends to navigate me a few steps ahead while he is content most days handling one move at a time.  We've learned to delegate the right things to each other. 

Enter a back injury.

D decided during one of his training runs (cyclocross) to jump a stream.  Well, his back got "tweaked" (to use his terminology) and didn't think anything about it as he is used to pushing his limits and straining stuff occasionally.  He is a focused and driven athlete.

Until I noticed him not being able to pick up his foot properly while walking.

We are awaiting results from a CT scan.

When the call came with his appointment time (took 3 weeks) and I found out later that night that he actually declined it and chose a time a few days later, I kind of lost it.  It did come out that he did it because he didn't want our long weekend up at the cottage to be cancelled.

I understand that but the way I saw it was:  Hospitals takes hundreds of films a day.  They need to be read by a radiologist.  Then printed and sent to his MD, who then needs to read it.  Only then does a call back happen and a follow up appointment to discuss results get made, which could normally take weeks anyways.

All I saw was increased delay compared to ONE long weekend at a place we've owned for 11 years??!!

What he's still not seeing very clearly is the consequences of potentially living with chronic pain and loss of function-- Slight or large, predictable or unpredictable.  And how that can impact future plans.  And the effects on your spouse if he / she has to become any type of chronic care giver.

We know of this scenario in others and it isn't easy.  This situation is many times worse psychologically for someone who is accustomed to being very active.  I get it, I admire his athletic ability but I don't believe he is taking this seriously enough. 

I know he doesn't want to think about it.  And for sure he is in some denial space.  This is where living with someone like me can be rough.  Because I need him to come to terms with the known facts as we have the results of the x-rays already and start taking positive action.  Because I also know that no action leads down a not so desirable road.

P.S.  The next morning, D did manage to change his appointment time back to the earlier one.  Until those answers come, it's time to continue on and make the final preparations towards a long awaited event.

"Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. When the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say "We have done this ourselves".”   

Lao Tzu


  1. Wow. I'm glad D could get the original appointment back! Back stuff should always be taken seriously. I think part of it is just a male/female thing (speaking in VERY general terms). Women need to know to be able to plan/control what comes next. Men seem more prone to think it'll just go away if they don't think about it - how bad can it be, right? Perhaps it's a biological urge of protection. I don't know, but I do hope it's not too serious and he'll be back to his cyclocross in good time. xx

    1. I'm going to go out on a limb here, be less diplomatic and say there is a difference between how men and women deal/cope/consider things. Sometimes it hinders, sometimes it helps. In D's case, with respect to his health, I feel it is not helping. Plus we are fighting a lifelong way of thinking and going about things.

      It's not like I couldn't win awards for procrastination or denial either. We all have our quirks. It will get sorted with time and with much relief, he is coming around and becoming open to discussion. Guys can be such grumps when it comes to managing pain.