Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Stepping Up

I have never been more grateful for my days off than in the last month. Why is that? I believe it is because I have been fully present in my days. The crappy dealings with getting my computer fixed and dealing with difficult people at work pulled me away from my core of peace I prefer to dwell in everyday. It didn't feel good.

This has re-confirmed why I have trouble being around perpetually cynical and negative people or people who cannot seem to brave up and look outside themselves.

I have invited a good friend over for dinner tonight because I just found out they are going through a difficult time. It has been 2 weeks since we've seen each other and lots have happened and I didn't want to wait until I was back from my trip. That didn't feel right. We are good friends and we step up when each other needs extra support. It's as simple as that.

Ironically the topics for discussion tonight are people who just disappear when they cannot handle stuff -- that's what has happened to my friend -- as well as people who engage in relationships on their own terms ie. conditional relationships -- with neither situation bringing any joy with it.

I have strong opinions about relationships. I believe that relationships are as strong as the weakest link. You can't have one person giving it their all and the other one taking all the time without serious consequences. Long ago, I decided to give as much as I get from the other person and it has served me well. No unmet expectations.

Of course there will be times you'll be required to step up for a while but on average, it is a nice balance. It also keeps things honest and real as it is easy to imagine something that is not there when you are too busy doing everything. Someone once said if we'd look at our personal relationships akin to building a business relationship, we'd avoid a lot of mistakes. Interesting thought.


  1. This is a lesson I've been failing at learning for far too long. Recently I am learning it far too well. Thanks for writing about this difficult subject.

  2. "You can't have one person giving it their all and the other one taking all the time..."

    I completely agree. I attempt to stay in touch with friends who live far away but most of the time we "drift apart" simply because of the distance and that I'm always the one writing w/o necessarily getting a response. Most of the time, they'll just say that they've been "too busy with the kids" to write back. It makes me sad but nothing I can do about it.

  3. Hi Jenna Ann!

    It's a tough one and even though I can say it now, I wasn't able to lay down healthy boundaries for a long time, nor be able to express appropriate reaction when I knew I was being treated poorly.

    Thanks for reading and relating.

    Hi Sandra!

    I have friends like that too and it does make me sad, especially when we've shared a long history.

    At times I wonder why they would let it go like that? But it isn't for me to say, nor can I push because relationships are a 2 way street.

    We make new friends.