Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Women, Relationships and Money

I'm stumped.

I've run out of financial advice and comments for 2 of my good friends. Today's post is a guest post at wpersonalfinance about relationships, prenups and money. Is this now the new normal?

I'd love to get both male and female views on the situation. If you know of, or are in a similar relationship, please share your insights.

I feel I am standing too close to be totally objective anymore.


  1. Good Article.

    It sounds like both men in these cases are using money as a tool to control their partners.

    Neither situation sounds healthy. Are your friends looking out for themselves and their children? Do they have emergency savings? Quick access to cash? It's hard to advise friends in these situations without sounding judgemental.

    Have you offered your opinion?

  2. These dont sound like actual relationships with a future in sight, just a short term house sharing set up. Different things works for different people I guess but I think we have women in denial here.


  3. Wow....I can see why you are stumped. Neither of these situations sound like much of a relationship.

    I'll admit that my (now) husband insisted on paying rent to live in my house when we first started living together. At the time it worked for him as I think he has a real independent streak and didn't want to be seen to be taking charity from me.

    Even now, I work and he doesn't. He still feels like he should be living off his savings rather than allowing me to support him. I try to explain to him that we are married, so we are a partnership.

    In all these cases I wonder whether this attitude to money is a man's way of not fully committing. Is it a convenient way to maintain some distance and make it easier to walk away? Just a thought.

  4. I have so much to say about this that I'm writing my next post on it!

  5. I think women as breadwinner will become more prevalent (women are graduating college at higher rates than men), but that doesn't mean these two relationships are the new normal. The idea of partnership seems entirely lacking, they are just two individuals who happen to live together. While we should all retain some independence, the point of a relationship is to gain a partner and take on the world together. I may do a sort of pre-nup with Mr M, just to lay out what savings and investments I have pre-marriage. After that point I will consider everything joint and him entitled to 50%, whether he earns a dime or not. If you are not willing to give 50% of everything to your partner, you're with the wrong one.

  6. Hi Miss M;

    Thank you for your comments!

    I absolutely agree that the partnership aspect is lacking. There is no team there.

    The part that bothers me the most is that the "self protection" of assets is to the point where A & B are made to feel like some kind of criminal for even looking.

    In a future post, I am going to discuss prenups and marriage contracts.

  7. @ livingmyrichlife -- I haven't forgotten about your comment. I plan to make it into a post soon!