Monday, November 10, 2008


Why do I find having choices most times exhilarating and at other times very difficult?

For me there is a fine line that when crossed my mind starts just going around in circles, where I micromanage my decisions to the point of doom. Something that starts off as fun morph into drudgery. Many a dream has perished this way. I see it as a form of self sabotage but where does it come from?

I didn't have much growing up. I had what I needed--clean clothes, shelter, great food and a tight knit family. I didn't have allowance, summer vacations away or camp. How far I get in life was going to be determined by my own two hands.

My parents were very wise in that they believed in attaining skills. In lieu of an allowance, my brother and I were given opportunities to learn something. Some classes were mandatory ie. swimming and others were up to us to discover. The only stipulation was that it cannot disrupt family time or my parents' work schedules. So I grew up problem solving and multitasking.

As an adult I find it fairly easy to mentally work out multiple solutions to most situations--to the point where I immobilize myself because of so many possibilities. Crazy but true, especially when it comes to decisions that are not work related. I act like I've just been let out of jail and am overwhelmed with freedom possibilities.

Easier said than done, I am slowly realizing that I must start with something--even if that something isn't the "ultimate" scenario for fun. It is still one step further taken than right now. I need to leap away from the mental calculus and algebra and back into the arena of living the life I have painstakingly built for myself.

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